The thought of not sharing their company was, and is, unthinkable to me. However, being celibate has actually improved my relationships with women — at least those that I already know getting to know new people of the opposite sex is still no easier, although you can be seen as a "challenge" by some, which can be … interesting. So why am I celibate? Once you remove the potential for sex from the relationship, and both parties are aware of that, it changes the dynamic of the friendship. I have read assiduously about the various techniques employed by monks and other religious adherents of various faiths, and the supposed benefits that they derive from abstinence. I have, however, yet to be convinced that there is any spiritual or physical gain to be had. Of course, being a Guardian reader also helps to make one irresistibly attractive to the opposite sex. That was the end of the relationship — a decision that my partner made and which, although I took it badly at the time, I now appreciate a lot better. I am a single, heterosexual, early-middle-aged male.
The thought of not sharing their company was, and is, unthinkable to me. Despite this, if you met me in the street you probably wouldn't even know that there was anything wrong with me. I am a single, heterosexual, early-middle-aged male. Yet I could not, in conscience, enter into a relationship bringing the baggage of my illness; it would not be fair to do so. I love their company, the sound of their voices, the way that although they occupy the same physical space as us blokes yet they seem to inhabit it so totally differently. So would I recommend celibacy to my fellow men? I could have dived head-first into a flurry of empty, hedonistic sex in a quest for revenge against all women for my ex-partner's abandonment of me. I know within that I could live a life of permanent isolation like an anchorite, yet I know also that I would not want to. I didn't; although it crossed my mind. I have, however, yet to be convinced that there is any spiritual or physical gain to be had. However, people consider celibacy for many and varied reasons; so if you are considering it, I would say that it is not something to fear and can indeed be a positive choice and, let's face it, if you try it and don't like it then you can always change your mind. Break the cycle and, over time, the physical and psychological "need" for sex lessens — you can do without it, hard as that may be to believe. I have always preferred sex within a relationship to one-night stands. So why am I celibate? Once you remove the potential for sex from the relationship, and both parties are aware of that, it changes the dynamic of the friendship. Before anybody suggests seeking "relief" with a prostitute — I am a Guardian reader, we don't do that sort of thing. Neither to a partner or, conceivably, any potential children who might inherit my illness. Do I miss sex? Such was my final decision, and it is one that I have stuck to. Look, for example, at the similarly close relationships that some women have with gay men. Share via Email Medieval monks took vows of celibacy — but it's rare for anyone to do the same today for non-religious reasons. After all, it is one thing to think that illness or death may happen to one or other of you half a century hence, another altogether when it may be only five years down the road. Yes, but not as much as I thought that I would. Yes, you still think about it, but over time those thoughts lose their power. Daft, but seemingly true.
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Why can't men go without sex and women can?
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